Vacancy.

You’re always hurting inside these days, feeling cold no matter how hot it gets, empty, alone, miserable. You manage to turn every emotion you feel into anger or pain, always questioning peoples movtives, wondering if anything anyone says is even genuine anymore. You can’t let yourself trust, love, laugh, smile…not without feeling guilty soon after, and doing a home run straight into the arms of misery once more. Its like your heart is constantly set on ‘break’, you find it hard to breathe at the best of times purely because you’re holding in tears, frustration or hate. No one to turn to, no one to lean on. It’s you against the world, without a hope in hell of ever changing for the better.

The last thing you want is sympathy, or pity. You don’t need either, you’re getting better at holding things…feelings in, hoping you wont get caught out and asked “what’s wrong” or “are you okay”. Everything is wrong, and you’re not okay, but the last thing you’re willing to do is open up…You’re not going to open up, even if you want to, you’ve learnt to bite your tongue, no matter how much it hurts. You know better than to trust in others, or to confide in people. That’s how you get hurt and these days you feel enough pain without being kicked in the face on top of it all. Consistantly wondering what death feels like, how hard it would be for it to come around and how long it will take before you lose the plot and draw the short straw.