Untitled.

Keep breathing.

In and out.

Keep thinking.

Full of doubt.

Keep hurting.

It's all you know.

Keep loving.

And I wont go.

Rain, rain.

Rain, rain, go away.

Please leave my mind, just for today.

I need some room to think again.

Please leave my mind, just for today.

Sorrow.

Heavy hearts, heavy feet.

We walk alone down rain soaked streets.

We're in this together, we're playing for keeps.

These hearts still pound through pain filled beats.

Rise and fall.

Again and again and again.

Grin and bear it, smile and nod.

Constant disappointment, hurt, frustration, pain.

Rise and fall, like the tides.

Growing cold, giving up, severing ties.

This is for every kick in the face.

Every stab in the back.

Every heart thats forced to break.

We are nothing but a plague.

Why do we do this to ourselves ?

Growing cold, getting old, wasting time.

And this too shall pass.

' Every living creature on earth, dies alone. '

Quicksand.

Your shit-heap of a life suddenly feels like quicksand, surrounding you, engulfing you. It's so hard to  move, breathe, think. You want to change, but you hate change, change isn't stable, secure or permanent.  Constantly uneasy, forever anxious, always nervous. Nothing is right anymore, you're so head-fucked you can't decipher right from wrong, good from bad, yes from no. You're not okay, not anymore, barely eat, hardly sleep. You've taken the toll physically too, sunken eyes, hunched back, blank stare, empty smile. You hated everything you have now become. But you don't want to fix anything. This bed you have made yourself, after all these years, now seems somewhat comfortable. You're sick of feeling like a dog chasing it's tail... Not getting anywhere in life, constantly running in circles, never achieving anything. Now like that dog, you're tired, out of breath, and over the chase.

Vacancy.

You’re always hurting inside these days, feeling cold no matter how hot it gets, empty, alone, miserable. You manage to turn every emotion you feel into anger or pain, always questioning peoples movtives, wondering if anything anyone says is even genuine anymore. You can’t let yourself trust, love, laugh, smile…not without feeling guilty soon after, and doing a home run straight into the arms of misery once more. Its like your heart is constantly set on ‘break’, you find it hard to breathe at the best of times purely because you’re holding in tears, frustration or hate. No one to turn to, no one to lean on. It’s you against the world, without a hope in hell of ever changing for the better.

The last thing you want is sympathy, or pity. You don’t need either, you’re getting better at holding things…feelings in, hoping you wont get caught out and asked “what’s wrong” or “are you okay”. Everything is wrong, and you’re not okay, but the last thing you’re willing to do is open up…You’re not going to open up, even if you want to, you’ve learnt to bite your tongue, no matter how much it hurts. You know better than to trust in others, or to confide in people. That’s how you get hurt and these days you feel enough pain without being kicked in the face on top of it all. Consistantly wondering what death feels like, how hard it would be for it to come around and how long it will take before you lose the plot and draw the short straw.

Love lost.

I don’t know what i want, but it’s not in the shape of two, so from now on this is me without you. if home is where the heart is, i moved out long ago, and if “love conquers all” then why not send love to war? i’ve made my bed, dug my grave…etc, time to sleep. i am nothing in this world, it don’t owe me shit, the most i have done is managed to exist. i am a ghost, denying a being with purpose their rightful place in line. i have nothing left to offer you, love lost…story of my life. I no longer wish to struggle in the company of friends…what friends?…strangers. Time has taught me not to show weakness, but i have lost the will to remain strong, and weakness is not an ally i wish to befriend. My confidence has been eroded, the need to walk with my shoulders back and head held high is yet but another challenge, i have lost the desire to face future challenges. I’ll scuff my feet, and hunch my back. i’m leaving this place, with no intention of turning back.